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The Convenient Fan

Go away, you are not WELCOME

12
July
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Many of you out there may be wondering what exactly a convenient fan is. Well, let me tell you. It is a vile creature who lives among us normal, hardworking sports fans. They come in all shapes and sizes. They could be your next door neighbor or a random friend on facebook who you?ve actually never met before in your life.

A convenient fan is simple. It?s someone who claims to be a big fan of a sport, team, player, etc. at a time and/or place that is of convenience to them. This is not to be confused with the casual fan who occasionally takes a genuine interest in a sport, team, player, etc. when a noteworthy event is taking place in sports. To the untrained eye, the convenient fan (bad) and the casual fan (good) are exactly the same. For the most part, they are. Spotting convenient fans may take some time but here are a few quick attributes you should look for when classifying these individuals.

The female convenient fan is typically between the ages of 14-27 and in a relationship with a guy who is normally a legitimate sports fan. This forces the female to take an interest in sports and as a result they usually go over the top and run with it. The male convenient fan is a lot more difficult to categorize. They could be of any age, although it is more common of an occurrence in high school and college age males.

What really separates the casual fan from the convenient fan is the ignorant nature in which the convenient fan walks around and tries to display their ?intimate knowledge? by stating blanket facts that normal sports fan already accept as given knowledge. You do not add anything to a conversation by saying ?Kobe Bryant is really really good? or ?Alex Rodriguez used steroids.? We all know this already and don?t need it to be repeated. But what is even worse than these failed attempts to display their knowledge is how loud and obnoxious these types of fans tend to be.

I don?t just mean this in a literal sense but a figurative sense as well. The convenient fan is always the first to yell out in excitement during a game and at the same time take out their smart phone and post what just happened. This way, they cover all the bases so everyone else knows what a ?big fan? they are. I cannot tell you how many times I?ll intentionally check facebook during specific sporting events just to see who and how often the people I classify as convenient fans post. And without fail, the same people I classify not only always post during these events, but post multiple times during the event.

Throughout the years I have noticed that there is always an influx of convenient fans during such sporting events as the Olympics, the World Series, the Stanley Cup Finals, the NBA Finals and the Super Bowl. But most recently, the two events in which convenient fans have weighed in on across the United States is the World Cup and the LeBron James decision.

I have seen posts regarding the World Cup from girls whose only previous knowledge of the sports existence was from watching the movie Bend it like Beckham. Maybe another blockbuster soccer movie will come out to hold them over until the World Cup comes back in another four years. And just because Billy Bush on Access Hollywood has an opinion on LeBron James, it does not make you an expert.

Part of being a true fan is taking a legitimate interest in your team and sticking with them through all of the trials and tribulations. It?s easy to jump on board and be a band wagon fan when things are going well, but the most rewarding experience I get as a fan is watching my team scratch and claw their way out of the cellar into hopefully one day being a championship team. I am personally glad LeBron James did not go to the Knicks because it would have been an injustice to the true Knicks? fans that have stuck with them over what has been a decade long struggle.

A perfect example of this is a text I received from a friend of mine who just recently moved to New York City. Let?s say for the sake of his privacy that his name is ?John Argentina?. John said, ?I moved into New York two days ago with one wish?to become a fair-weather Knicks fan under the LeBron James umbrella?nothing. He goes to the heat. Fuck NY.? Take this text and multiply it by a couple million, which is how many convenient NY Knicks fans would have come out of the wood work recalling elaborate stories as to why they have been a Knicks fan over the past 10 years but have failed to tell anyone until now.

Hopefully, this has given you some insight to help protect yourself against these kinds of animals. So if you have a friend who has recently discovered they are 1/64th Spanish and has a favorite Uncle who lives in Miami, unfriend them on facebook and be sure to never talk to them again.

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